dusk to dawn

Here's a poem that I just wrote last week, but since it's more imagery than reality (but what is the really real?!), it could probably use some background. So, the short of it is, for a few days my future was once again all up in the air or trampled in the mud, whichever way you want to look at it, and I was excited about new options, but then through wise advice and through reexamining myself, I've returned to the more challenging route, which, in my narrow, near-sighted vision is where God is leading me at this time, possibly with surprises around corners. He will be my strength on hard, lonely days, and He will be my joy on those days when I feel like dancing and laughing forever. To set the tone, this poem was actually written in two parts, the first in my room with candles lit, and the second at Tehillah (Hebrew for abandoned praise, I think), a worship service. Anyway, may this encourage you too, and bring you into worship, as the greatest call on our lives is to love God.

Dusk deepens to darkness
as the last glimmer of red
steps out of the sky,
leaving a stillness,
an empty silence.
The sand’s warmth invites
memories of an earlier hour,
when the sun was high
and the lake gleefully
welcomed us into its shallows.
But that has ended now
with the setting of the sun,
and we each sit here
in darkness, watching
the blurred horizon, waiting,
our own thoughts wandering.
My toes inch deeper
as if seeking shelter in the sand.
I whisper to the Giver of Light
praying Him to penetrate
the night with bright clarity
and colour once again.
But if all was day,
would I rest in Him?
And so I wait.
Stars slip into place as the moon
slowly unveils her glory,
then slips once again
behind a curtain of clouds.
But then restlessness flees
as Your Spirit pours down on me.
All I can do is fall back
and soak in Your presence.
Show me your glory.
I want to be in Your temple,
praising with the angels.
Not even the world can hold You in,
yet You come to me.
The rain passes over and away;
I hadn’t even noticed the darkness
beginning to lighten.
I rise to my feet
as the grey is broken
by a golden glimmer
of morning light.
And then, bursting forth
in a splendour which brings tears
to my squinting eyes
Your glory fills the earth,
penetrating my soul,
lifting me into Your temple courts.

being a child

Just the other day I went to a retirement party for Mrs. Lisle, my high school gym teacher / small group hostess. I didn't really know what to expect, so little did I know what an inspiring time it was going to be. I already knew that she was an incredible servant and caring woman, quick to encourage and listen, but when I heard about her many accomplishments and her impact on other people, I also realized how humble she must be. And then I got to thinking, what would people say at my retirement party? I'm sure many people have pondered this, but the thought really challenges me to live out now what I want people to remember me for. But not only that - I know I need to be the same person whether I'm in the middle of a crowd, with my closest friends, at home, or all alone. And who is that real Meredith? Who is it that God knows me as, that He calls His child? Hmm... that's my true identity. I can claim to be an artist - but I may grow blind. I could be described as a skier - but then would my identity change when I'm too old for that activity? People come and go, so I wouldn't last long if I was only known as so-and-so's friend. The only lasting quality is who I am in Christ Jesus, and who He has defined me as. So let me live in Him!
On another note, I've found a place to stay with some other first-year architecture students, at 84 Kenmore Ave., Cambridge Ontario. Yesterday my parents, my sister, & a few of our friends went to an Indian restaurant in Kitchener for Allison's 21 birthday, and since we were really close to my new place, we stopped by for a minute. It was great to celebrate her birthday, but I can't believe how old we're getting! Gone are the days of sandboxes and slides, playing house and tag (& the Dow-Dey game!), unless, of course, your little neighbours invite you to play with them, as I did for a little bit tonight. Often when they'll ask me to come over, I'll be too busy or feel too tired or something like that, but once I'm over there, it's just so much fun playing "king's base" and other games like that, and I feel like I'm seven years old again and the only thing that matters is if I can make it back 'home' before getting tagged.
Hmm... I guess this is all coming back to the same point I was thinking about before - being a child of God. Though I've fought so hard to be considered an adult, I need to become like a little kid again. There's a Jennifer Knapp song called "Whole Again" that cries: "Daddy, daddy do you miss me? The way I crawled upon your knee. Those childish games of hide and seek now seem a million miles away. Am I lost in some illusion, or am I what you thought I'd be? Now it seems I've found myself in need to be forgiven. Is there still room upon that knee?" Sitting on my Father's lap - the best place to be!

glimpse of weakness

Vulnerability... here's a glimpse of me, when my mind is tossing and turning, attempting to know hidden things. Why don't I stop my worrying, and trust? For God says to the thirsty who come to Him, "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace..." (Isaiah 55:12). That verse really struck an ache in me yesterday at house church, an ache for that joy and peace, not to mention my ever-present need for guidance. Here's a poem I wrote on Saturday night:

Step by step

I walk through life

a lot of joy

a little strife

I can't see far

but with eyes on Him

I'm stepping in faith

as though on a limb

Troubles may come

and laughter too

but living it out

I'm trusting in You

So many things

I'm worried I'll need

but You will provide

always care for me

If ever I don't

have all figured out

Your Spirit with me

erases all doubt

So living in joy

even 'mid strife

step by step

I walk through life

a weekend of happenings

Lots has been happening this weekend!
Yesterday I awoke early to go to a job fair, which, after spending an hour filling out the application, doing a skills assessment test (lots of math & logic stuff), and answering what the word "teamwork" means to me (thanks to all Tim's classes & our Periwinkle initiatives, that was pretty easy!), I found out that the place was hiring for the fall not the summer. So, once again, I told myself "never assume" and went on my way.
On my way to Cambridge, that is. Yep, after taking the wrong exit and finding myself in the middle of downtown Kitchener (a neighbouring city en-route), I somehow manuevered my way through the traffic to the School of Architecture open-house thing! Through the afternoon I managed to hook up with some girls and by the end of it, we were house hunting together. I'm not sure if anything's going to work out as a group or with any of the townhouses we looked at, but we'll see! I know, it sounds really crazy b/c usually you know your housemates really well before deciding to live together, but this was the only chance to meet people before classes started, and I guess it's how to do it since there isn't a residence. Now I'm really excited to be able to say that I'm an engineering student, b/c the Architecture program has just joined the Faculty of Engineering at the University of Waterloo!!! Okay, most of you probably won't understand my excitement, but Waterloo's the place to go for Engineering, and I've always had a great admiration for anyone who's smart enough to get into Engineering, so that's where all my excitement's coming from :)
But that's not all that happened this weekend. All morning and afternoon today I was at the pool, recertifying my Red Cross swimming instructor and my lifeguard qualifications. I was pretty worried about it, but don't you find that God has a way of turning our greatest fears into some of the greatest blessings, as He smiles and says, "My dear child, don't you worry about a thing; I've got it all under control!"
Ahhh... a beautiful thunderstorm has just rolled in, to fill the night's silence with deep mysterious rumblings, and the gentle patterings of rain on the parched ground.
This evening I was greeted at the door by a fine young man carrying a bouquet of wild flowers! Yes, the five-year-old boy from across the street had come around to ask if I could come out to play. How can you resist such an offer? So after a bit I joined Daniel, with his big missing-teeth grin and smiling eyes, along with two of his sisters and one of his brothers, and we swang on the swing, we climbed their tree, we told stories, and all the time we took a hundred photos on my digital camera! Sometimes the simplest things can be the best.